"you have to leave the city of your comfort and into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful, what you'll discover is yourself."
walking out of 5 1/2 year relationship was like walking out of a battle. i don't know if battle is suffice i might need to use the word war. I've discovered that coming out of such a long relationship at 25, ive almost lost myself and was not quite able to remember the things i liked to do, my hobbies, my other relationships. For so long life revolved around one person that "losing" that one person almost made me feel like i was losing myself. That wasn't fair to me but it's also not fair to blame him. (i blame him for a whole bunch of other things but not that! haha) And i'm still in the process of finding the person I was and creating a new person, not totally new but adding on new traits and characteristics to this person i haven't seen in awhile, this person being ME. It's very easy for the outside world to say be selfish, do you, do the things you love, but it's not as easy to do when you're the one who's world has been turned upside down in more ways than one. you want to scream, shout and kick because things are not going the way they're supposed to. all around. i really didn't think my situation could have gotten worse.. and they continued to get worse and worse and worse...and you start to question all sorts of things. like Why is God putting me through this, is anyone else going through shit like this too..? and trust me, thinking those things will make anyone go crazy. so dont. stop. breathe. all things my bestfriends have been telling me to do for so long. they call me a glutton for pain. pain is the way sacrifice and suffering feels to the body, but i read somewhere that pain doesn't have to hurt. Pain can be turned into a lesson, a good one. i guess the point of this post is to remind myself that i have to explore new things. everything! i can't let myself get stuck in old situations.. Albert Einstein once said something like..insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. so let me put on my hat and coat and let's explore. i'm thinking that it's about time.
